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"Regreso al pasado VI"

"Hace unos días tuve que contarle a mi madre (delante del tutor) el tema de mis superpoderes, sobretodo la telequinesia debido a las numerosas quejas de levantamiento de faldas en mi instituto, (en fín no me detendré en comentar lo quejicas que son las chicas a estas edades), pues el caso es que no sabía si me iba a pegar o a qué, su perturbadora mirada de hielo me dejo mas frio que nunca. Si no hubiese sido por el "ejem" mal disimulado del tutor podriamos haber quedado toda la tarde mirándonos, este le comento a mi madre que estaba a tiempo de entrar a un instituto para alumnos especiales (aquello ya me holía a chamusquina, que mal rollo de palabra), mi madre totalmente ida le dijo que que era eso de alumno especial "no no no, mi hijo hará pasado mañana la función, acabará dentro de dos años el instituto hará el servicio militar y luego ya veremos" ahora el acongojado era mi tutor, vaya mujer!, y suerte que no sabía nada de mi recien descubierto poder antiresaca.

Tras la visita al tutor se decidió que el tema sería secreto para mi comodidad (no me gusta sobresalir, prefiero parecer un mortal más) y mi mente se centró en la obra de teatro del día siguiente, bueno no del todo pero no quiero abrumaros con mis continuas victorias en el Karting Grand Prix, tengo uno de los trabajos más importantes y ocultos (no, no soy el del telón), soy el apuntador, el hombre crucial para toda obra y sobre todo para esta: "El Quijote" (somos fineses no incultos)

La obra no dura más de 15 minutos pero lo tenemos todo al dedillo los personajes principales bien repartidos e incluso los molinos, cuyo estandarte es Inga (la vella chica de mi clase de la que os hablé), me sé el texto tan de memoria que me puedo permitir el lujo de acercarme de vez en cuando al "camerino" de las chicas, cuando no está Inga claro(tanto vello no puede ser normal), principalmente voy por Kirstin que ha vuelto a clase mmmmm me tiene loco! mi bella dulcinea.

Por fin llega el día de la representación y han venido todos, hasta Werner, el viejo rarillo que vive al lado de mi casa y... oh... que ven mis ojos... mi mente se bloquea cuando veo aparecer esa perfecta cabellera rubia de la treintañera del otro día, oh no... no es momento para tiendas de campaña, me agazapo en la oscuridad hasta que aquello le da por bajar.

(Aviso para navegantes, lo que de aquí en adelante se narrará a parte de ser epopéyico e interesante por si solo, es una adaptación libre finesa del Quijote, no nos hacemos responsables de los posibles fallos de traducir lo traducido).

Se abre el telón y aparecen Don quijote(Frans) y Sancho (el gordo de Olaf), mientras que la voz en off narra, "Capítulo venticuince, donde se narran las desventuras en el amor y la batalla del hidalgo caballero", todo va bien menos los trozos en los que habla Olaf, el pobre si que es especialillo y no le ha dado para aprenderse casi nada del guión, suerte que mi inestimable ayuda le sirve de consuelo para no quedar mal delante de su familia (sí, su familia está al completo, nadie en la cárcel ni ningún toxicómano en la familia). Mientras los dos cabalgan sobre el escenario alguien me dice por detrás que estoy hablando muy alto, que baje la voz, pero es imposible; si bajo la voz Olaf no me oirá pero si la subo quedará excesivamente mal, he de inventar algo y rápido.

Mi mente inquieta no para de trasmitirme maneras de solucionar el problema y una de dos o no tengo los suficientes medios o sería pedirle demasiado a Olaf. En una de estas se me ocurre que porqué no podré provocar nuevos poderes, necesito la telepatía, solo he de concentrarme como en las otras ocasiones. Mientras dura el descanso para cambiar de escenario me vuelvo a agazapar en las sombras, busco un objetivo, mi madre, su inexpresiva forma de actuar en público la hace perfecta para no armar revuelo, me concentro todo lo que puedo en ella, cuando sabré que contacto con ella? le dire que ha venido Werner(el viejo pederasta), eso la perturbará, ahí va, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm venga venga venga! ...ha venido Werner...ha venido Werner...ha venido Werner...eureka! mi madre empieza disimuladamente a mirar a su alrededor, puedo notar su perturbación, por que seré tan bueno? en fin a lo que estoy.

Llega la parte en la que Dulcinea se encuentra jugando entre los molinos (hace kart en nuestra versión) y Don Quijote piensa que la tienen prisionera, que guapa es... también llega el momento de probar la telepatía, el problema es que no se asuste Olaf, ni se inmuta, debe pensar que se lo estoy diciendo tranquilamente. La función termina con éxito aplastante, nadie sabe porque es así pero en fín la vida es dura.

El nuevo superpoder ha de ser probado, que ahora mismo se me están ocurriendo miles de posibilidades pero esas son ya otras historias, busco con la mirada a la extraña treintañera pero no está"

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JUJUJUJUJU!! Ya veremos lo que pasa el año proximo, ya.... Por cierto ayer paso un señor de unos 40 años por la calle con una sudadera de Kimiii chan con su foto y parecia oficial, de Mercedes!! Fue una pasada la gente se le quedaba mirando por la calle y yo le dije: Hey tio vaya pedazo de sudadera que llevas!! Kimi es el mejor y el tipo de rio y asintio con la cabeza. Ajajajajajaja! Raikkonen tiene fans, tu y yo lo sabiasmos, entre los cuarentones y demas. La gente sabe que es el mejor!! Ya podeis decir lo que querais!! Kimichan ichiban desu!! Muy bueno lo de Dulcinea montando en Kart entre los molinos!! Jujujujujuju!!

 
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